let em try to find the beauty in your face

**So my birthday was past weekend....WHOOOO!!! 23!! This was one of the best birthdays I've had in the longest time! Lots of partying...lots of drinking...lots of cake...and I didn't even have to plan it...much...
I'm so thankful for the people I have in my life. Even with they dance on that last nerve like it's a salsa dance floor *and yall DO* I wouldn't trade them for the world! They make me laugh...think...they give good advice...they make the world alot less lonely.

**The Dream's new album, 'Love vs Money' is supposed to drop tomorrow, but of course the MuSiC gods have seen fit to let me have it early. Everyone *whose music opinion I respect/trust* said that it was just 'Ehhh....not at good as the first one' My opinion? I think it's pretty good. I do agree, it's not as good as the first...but, honestly? What artist(s) do you know that have come hard with a second album that blast the first out of the water? Especially that specializes in the art of autotune? I definitely don't think his lyrics are as strong as the last album..and he seems to be really trying to sing this go round *some artists should just stick to autotune--DREAM* But I think the music is better than the last. Maybe this should have just been put out as an instrumental. *one last note:: is it just me, or does he sound a lil like R.Kelly??

**This daylight savings time is really kicking my ass...but I think I'm on the come back.

**I'm so glad it's warm!!! It feels so nice to not have to sit close to a heater *and burn my ass...literally* and I can get in the car and open the sunroof! WHOOO! Time to go shopping for dresses!!

**Thank you Santa Maria on the cross for my bonus!!! Corporate America does so right by you round the end of the fiscal year...then taxes hit...but I thank ya anyway!

**When are people gonna leave Rihanna and Chris Brown alone? They seem to have gotten over it..forgiven each other...why can't everyone else? If she wants to be a crazy ass bitch and go back to him *whether he beat her down or not* then let the bitch be!

**I need some new iPod headphones...

**Almond Joy's time is wearing thin...real thin...

**Twitter is becoming a serious thing. All of my favorite people 'tweet' ALL DAY AND NIGHT! I'm trying to get into it like that where I converse back and forth with folk..but I doubt it will get like that...

**I'm heading to Busboys and Poets sometime this week...anyone wanna join me???

all that I can sayyyy.....

....is sooooooo much....

*ugh* I hate having so much to say but no way of telling it.

I'm trying to gather my thoughts and update all of you....I should be back in full effect by Friday. If not, feel free to blast me in your own personal ways....

*but not too hard cause my undying laziness makes you all love me so >>insert giggle here<<*

...but in the meantime follow me on *twitter*

I LOVE YALL!!!

peace*love*music

N*$%@s is testin' my patience...

...I'm feeling quite inspired, yet, I feel this entry will go unfinished....

my friend went 'missing' today...scary, to say the least...everyone was calling, texting...I was this *brings thumb and index finger really close* close to hiking up thru the fucking mountains to bust this girl's door down. she's fine. thank GOD

does anyone like to be in 2nd place?? I KNOW I don't like to be in 2nd place....so why does he think I do? It's really bothering me. Are you that fucking oblivious that you don't see it? How can he think things are the same way as they were before? MIA for days/weeks at a time...coming back and making up some bullshit excuses...it was okay at first. It was early...we weren't that serious...but...umm...it's been like 4 months...I think I deserve a lil more than some part-time thing...I'm not taking 2nd place to anything anymore...

I was running down my blog list today after work *my religious activity* and I'm noticing that most of my favorite blogs are being shut down. *cue one lone tear* it makes me so sad...I mean, blogs I check as many times a day as I can gone like that...poof. So I've been on the prowl...looking for new blogs to cyber stalk for the latest in music and the funniest of daily observations...

...gotta go...time for Noah's Arc...

peace*love*music

then the clouds opened up and Obama said...

...so...as it seems, my blog hits have gone up significantly. I guess that everyone is waiting on this life altering testimony from my Inauguration weekend....

...ummm....sorry folks...yall not getting any of that. Now, now, I must say...I would have never wanted to be anywhere else than standing on that mall when Barack raised that right hand, took that oath, and gave one of the most moving speeches I've heard in a long time. But that was just the last hour we were out there....

That was the COLDEST LONGEST 10 hours of my life!! Everytime I think about that I wish I would have never gone out there. I'm still recovering from this cold! But it does allow for bragging rights...if only for a few minutes....

So anyway...

We got to DC around 4:30am. Everyone was kinda walking in different directions. We ended up seeing a line going down Independence Ave. **like WAAAY down** So natually, we cut in the front of the line...along with about 100 other people. Folks in the back didn't like that **HA** then, as folks in the back were starting to scream at us, people started rushing to the right...apparently someone busted open the fence that lead directly to the mall. Everyone started running for the front of the no ticket area. **so against the rules...but oh well** We all started running **then I stopped, I don't know who the fuck these slim ass mofos think I am, but a runner I am not** Once we made it to the front **and I met Lyn and EJ where they stopped** everyone just kinda stood there and stared at the brightly lit captial building....and stood there...and kept standing there. After a while I felt like a dumbass...we looked like a herd of cattle...just standing there staring straight ahead like cause we got out there before the sun came up GOD was going to come up from behind the Capitol Building and bless us. So I decided to sit down...oh folk didn't like that! They started wondering why we were sitting down in the middle of the crowd **ummm...in case you didn't notice we'll be out here for another 8 hours before Barack even shows his face...get comfortable** but we sat anyway. People kept standing....then gradually as hours started to pass and the temperature started to drop...people got smart and started to sit the fuck down. As the sun came up, EJ started shivering and, after downing 2 cans of Full Throttle, had to piss like nobody's business. Mind you, we're standing in the middle of a massive crowd of people and the portapotties were so far away. So, in an act of desperation, EJ pissed in many bottles...in front of me...I feel so violated...even today. Around 9, we just couldn't take it anymore. I was starting to numb from being so damn cold, EJ was still shivering, and Lyn was starting to realize that wind chill is a big factor in how cold it was going to be that day. We walked to the outside of the crowd **fuck it, I admit, we were bout to just leave** Surprisingly, the edge of the crowd was alot warmer than the middle...so we stayed. Warmed up a lil...aLOT closer to the portapotties **though they were DISGUSTING** It still seemed worth it. Then the wind started to pick up again and I froze. Lyn started acting irrational **somewhat from the weather...mostly from her crazy ass...lol** so she layed down under a blanket and fell asleep....she looked like a hobo **no, really. people started to wonder if she was okay...** Finally they started ushering all the flyy as fuck folk that didn't have to wait in the cold **celebrities...politicians...and the like** and folk started to get excited **I admit, I was too...especially when they showed Jay-Z in the huge fur hat** and then the moment arrived. Joe Biden took his oath **almost there** then my president got up and took his oath...I could barely see it, but hearing it was just as good. It made standing out there for hours, so cold I was numb, and catching a bad cold SOOOO worth it. It's so real.

Things on TV aren't always what they seem. This whole election, election night, announcing the winner...none of that seemed completely real. But to stand out there and to actually see him taking the oath and giving that speech turned my fantasy into reality. About 18 months ago, you would have never conviced me that a Black man was going win the presidency...like forreal...I would have told you to shut the fuck up...but now, I really believe it.

*I'm renaming my cold 'Barack flu'*

::ps:: pics of my day can be found here

**peace.love.music**

Geauxbama for ya mama

I did it...
I made it thru Inauguration...

I would sit here right now and give yall a complete rundown of everything I did...

But I've got a cold from all this shit.....and it's not too pleasant to be in this body right now....

I'll get back to yall soon

peace*love*music

i'm right HERE...

....and I ain't going nowhere...

I know I know...it's been awhile. I never realize just how many people read my blog, my bad. I really appreciate yall though::

**billy harris**

**colie**

**shu shu**

**etc**

**etc**

**etc**

yall know you yall are

Anywhoo...

so it's a new year...time to turn over a new leaf *I'm bout to be brand new in the 09! LOL* For me, it's time I go get what's mine. I'm being selfish from now on. Not selfish in the sense, 'fuck you, pay me', but like 'yo, I *heart* you, but I gotta take care of me first'

is it just me, or did the holidays empty my bank account...but there's nothing to show for it? This recession shit is really starting to get to me. But what really makes me sick is the fact that people act like cause Obama is being sworn into office in 2 weeks, all the money issue of the world will disappear. Like they mailing bailout checks to every American the day of Inauguration....ummm....I don't think so...I'ma be broke that day...the day after...the day after that...the month after that....etc. But if they do send a check, I sure won't turn nothing down by my collar...

**billy harris and ling are GAY**

*peace.love.music*

For a good time, Call ME...

....ummm....what the fuck do I look like? Why is it that every weekend I'm the one who get's the random ass texts/phone calls from folk I haven't heard from in weeks/months/years[??] asking me what's poppin on any given night in the city? Do I have 'Party Animal' tattooed across my fucking forehead??? And what makes you think that even if I was partying I would be partying with you? If I was planning on taking you along on a night out on the town with me, you would have BEEN received a phone call/text. I hate that shit...

....yet I digress....

I'm nice and fat **like that's a change...** and I've made it through this Thanksgiving unscathed...I actually had a good time seeing all of my crazy *and I do mean CrAzY* family. They were crazily HILARIOUS! I did receive something like the third degree about some things *a boo, lifestyle, lack of invites, etc* but I made it!

...time to mentally prepare for next year...

I've been telling everyone for weeks that I was preparing to get up early and go fight the crazy housewives on black Friday so that I could get me a TV. I was really prepared to do it yall! I'd been practicing my boxing moves...my karate and my ka-raz-ay...I was gonna beat a bitch DOWN for a cheap TV!

**sigh**Well I got my TV...courtesy of Walmart.com...I know I know...I was all prepared to get up...then I took a nap....BAD CHOICE. I woke up at 4 **the time I planned to get up**...thought about it...and was like, "Do I honestly need to get up and fight these crazy hoes for a TV I can find online?" So my version of Black Friday blowout shopping was getting up at 4 pm...sitting up in my bed...and ordering my TV....direct from the internet.

...I got my TV...it was marked down...I don't have to carry it up the steps...and I don't have cut, bruise, or footprint on me...now THAT'S how you shop Black Friday!!

***peace.love.music***

Sometimes you just need a lil pick-me-up...

...and I wonder to myself ....I say:

self? How long will it be before I get my pick-me-up? It seems like we've spent so much time looking after other people that we have completely lost focus of what's important...SELF

....I'm sitting here, staring at Almond M&Ms *that I don't even eat*, looking at the last date on my blog *few days shy of a total month*, and wondering where why I STILL have no new music on my Touch *AHHHHH*...

That was pretty much my rock bottom: NO NEW MUSIC....I've completely spun out of control....I've allowed myself to be completely caught up in useless obsessions that I didn't even notice.

I'm back.I took the pill.the pick-me-up.no.not the 5 hour energy.I'm feeling much.much.much.mucho better.

I'm bout to starting downloading....um....I mean...looking for and purchasing music...it always makes me feel better to uncover something new.

I'm back online...so check for me muthafuckaaaaaaaassssss!!!!

*peace.love.music*

...i'm still going to hang on to the M&Ms..at least, for a few more days...

....i decided....

...that I'm gonna be a random ass person today....


I spent almost 3 full days in the bed.literally.


television [save for the news.all the news] sucks monkey balls...but I can't stop watching.


I've been slacking on my musical pimpin.downloading like crazy.but nothing makes the touch.not on purpose...I've been in super lazy mode.


if they made me into a super hero, I'd be LaZy WoMaN.able to leap tall buildings...when ever she gets to it.faster than a tortoise...running backwards.


aaah well.the laziness will end.tomorrow...


I don't understand why all of a sudden McCain has decided to stop bashing Obama's character.does he think that may help him win at the last minute.boo, you have already fucked your campaign up.shall I list the reasons why?sure? okay:

• you waited til your 150th bday to decide to run for president
• you neglected to push the issues you care about
• instead, you decided to talk about your lack of full range of motion in your arms due to being a POW
• you look like the man who tamed the dinosaurs, and then ate the ones still roaming after the big bang
• you picked the WORSE woman to run with
• she just learned the word 'maverick' and now she won't stop saying it
• why did you teach her that word
• you called Obama 'That One'
• I could go on...but my blog may not post because I would run out of memory

I had a bomb ass weekend.even though most of it was featured live from my IKEA bed.

somewhere in my present life I was a vegetarian.don't worry doubters.I haven't given in to the animal flesh.but I have lost track.I should get back to that...

working from home:worst decision an employer could give to an employee.WORST.

columbus day???what the fuck is columbus day???if I've ever had a day off for columbus day, it was too far back to even know who columbus was.and why the FUCK are parades being rolled off in his honor.guess white americans LOVE the birth of america.all I seem to remember are the small pox blankets.trail of tears.and slave ships.GOD BLESS THE USA...or something like that.

I was serious about going to Canada.any takers???

*...and it don't stop...*

*got the randomness to make your body rock*

**peace.love.music**

...brokeness tend to create an upside...

On a much lighter note...I had a GRAND weekend...well, it's more like the best week ever:

I was able to get a lot of work done because I worked from home most of the week...and I got to hang out with someone special...who shall remain nameless at this time...

Friday...well, Friday was a lil stressfull because I had to drive to Baltimore.during rush *afternoon*.to stand in line for an extra hour.but it was all worth it just to see ESTELLE, GYM CLASS HEROES, and THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW!!! They gave the best performances! Estelle can really sing!! Like forreal forreal! I still don't know what was good with the whole rapping thing...but her vocals are off the chain! And her personality is so great! If Ling and I were a trio, Estelle would be the 3rd...
Then Gym Class came out...I can't say they were better than the last time I saw them...but I had a much better view...Travie was crazy as always...and Sashi looked like he had jump off of a slave ship and swam all the way to America to play guitar for the show...I don't know who is stylist is...but he needs to fire them...
Then The Roots came out...kinda mad at their performance...They didn't have the whole crew...mainly because the stage wouldn't have fit all of them on it....I saw them last year so I wasn't trippin too much...we left before their performance was over cause I was tired...

Saturday I didn't do much of anything...I PAID RENT and cleaned up my house...I went to the leasing office to drop off the money orders and I told the lady I was off by 13 cents...that's $0.13.less than a dollar.less than a quarter. This bitch told me that I will receive a notice that we're short, and I can come in and write a check for the 13 cents...ARE YOU CRAZY?! are you crazy? 13 cents?? it gets that real over less than a quarter?! I got that shit in my pocket! I can't just give it to you?

People, if you see us on the street...pushing shopping carts and begging for food, know it's because we didn't pay 13 cents of rent and the Landlords don't take NO SHIT!

Then my Saturday got alot better because I got to spent it with someone *who shall remain nameless at this time*...we went to Fridays to have some drinks...and our asses...well, at least me...got tipsy like shit...then we went to the movies to see EAGLE EYE, which was a good ASS movie! Makes you reconsider every move you make....literally...this movie gets my sincere thumbs up!!

Today...I just laid around ALLLL day....watched TV, twisted my hair, cleaned my bathroom....nothing...Sunday is always the laze day...it's like mourning the oncoming work week...uhh...*gagging a lil bit*

*nights like this I wish...a hurricane would come and wash my work building away...*

**peace.love.music**

wake up wake up wake up...it's the 1st of the month...

sometimes....I wish Monopoly money was real and I could use it to pay bills...
OR
...I was one of those precious seeds of well-to-do parents who get all of their bills paid while they lay in a lap of luxury...

From the time we are children, adults should attach grownupship *yes, that's what I said, 'grownupship'* with a fucking SURGEON GENERAL's warning:

"CAUTION: being grown up causes extreme amounts of stress, with flair ups around the bill payment deadlines. Side effects of being grown up includes, but is not limited to: hair loss, reposessions, fucked up credit, depression, uninsured trips to the ER, brokeassness, bitchassness, alcoholism, heavy weed smoking, >>insert bad habit here<<, etc. Being grown up is not preventable and not curable, but can be treated with heavy amounts of begging, drug use, and alcohol..."

I mean...they do tell you...it ain't no joke being grown up and all...but damn. I'm sitting here, watching tv, writing, and sitting under the hair dryer *I'm an addict for tightly twisted locs...lol*, and stressing over where I'm gonna get the money to pay the rest of my bills this month...and the month just fucking began...

The first of the month is the biggest bitch I've ever met in my life...rent, credit cards, car note, utilities, phone, insurance...they can't ever, like, give you a month off for good payment behavior??? I make sure my shit is paid...and it always gets paid on time...but they starting to cut into my partying money. LOL

I don't know...mo' money mo' problems...

*cash rules everything around me...C.R.E.A.M. get the money*

*dolla dolla bill, yall*

**peace.love.music**

sooner or later it all comes crashing DOWN...

I'm sitting here watching VH1's 100 greatest hip hop records...and i'm buggin abolutely...
i.love.music.
i.love.hip hop.
Their rankings are out of wack *in my ever so humble opinion*, but nonetheless...I'm over here squealing everytime they play a record I haven't heard in at least a few months. squealing.

...but I digress...a bit...
it's funny, you know...whenever you get your life together and things are finally on track...everything and everyone that wanted to shit on your life before comes rushing back...

I don't have time for old bullshit...I'm on to bigger and better things now...sorry you missed your ticket to ride...

I just looked over and saw all the dust collecting on my guitar...it makes me a bit sad...I really need to get some lessons...cause I somewhat suck...lol

*none of this makes sense...but I don't care*

peace.love.music.

You know what they think when we do that...

Corporate America is slowly ruining my life...

I went on a business trip for 'talent aquisition' last week. fun times. back to good ol Hampton. ahem.NOT
Anywho, as we were setting up for the career fair it was brought to my attention that the 4 little colored kids are spending too much time together in the building.sitting together in the lunch room.walking the halls.going to meetings.etc.
The coworker said, and I quote,

"[*blank] said we need to stop sitting together at lunch"

-->umm...what? why?

"because...you know...because..."

-->umm..*laughs part angrily, part nervously*...I don't care...

And what's even more weird...THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME SOME COWORKER HAS MENTIONED IT TO ME! Umm...I don't fucking get it...

Now I know, many black folk in the same general area means we MUST BE plotting to kill us a cracker...but I coulda sworn we passed the "non-violent negro" test when we were hired for the job...I can't tell you how many times someone has come up to us at lunch and when we asked them to sit and eat with us and they would reply, and I quote,

"No, that's okay. I'm gonna sit over here...'WE' can' all sit together...you know that looks bad..."

And they would proceed to another table to either sit by themself OR sit with 1 other black person...does it not look just as bad when you don't with with anyone...or when you don't expand your horizons and sit with the white folk??? I don't know maybe it just me...but after futher observation, I have come to the conclusion that not only do white people all sit together at the lunch table, but I never see a white person come up and ask to sit with us either....hmmm....should I sit by myself because I don't want to be seen as 'only hanging out with my own kind'?? and why is it okay for whites to not have to hang out with us, but it's not the other way around???

I don't know...I don't get all these rules and stipulations placed on black folk *or people in general* in corporate america...What good are they???

*i never follow the rules anyway...*

**peace.love.music**

***out***

...i bet you heard this song wonderin who i'm talking bout....

sitting here.surrounded by music notes.i can't stop smiling.woke up this morning with a smile on my face and not a knot in my throat and it feels oh so nice.

I just watch Ne-Yo's video, She Got Her Own, EXCELLENT. Go Watch it! It's nice that male artists are starting to create songs that appreciate a woman who wants to be with a man because she wants to be with him, not because she needs a one way ticket from the ghetto to the baller life.

okay.i'm saying it now.it will never be mentioned again *i hope..* Solange's new album is that hot shit!! I gives that girl her props. Her singing abilities have improved. She grew up and her music reflects that. It's like 60s/70s soul with a modern twist...I love it...and those of you who know me well KNOW I would never say that shit!

...music surprises me everyday...

*back to downloading & twisting my hair*

*hugs & kisses*

Ryan is lucky I LOVE this song...

Ryan Leslie *alternate version* **Addiction**

....cause I would be so mad that at this alternate version! Okay, so, I love the fact that there is a story line to this video....and that JASLENE from top model is the leading lady *WHOO!! Go girl!!*

BUT!! All that aside...why couldn't the leading lady be a BLACK WOMAN?!?! The other version has all the beautiful black women all up and thru...but this one...uhhh...I like it...but it needs a healthy dose of chocolate...I love Jaslene and all, but boo, hon, my girl...you ain't chocolate...

You know what? It's funny...was the first version not good enough?? Why??? And why an alternate version? Did they have to lighten it up so that it would be more marketable?????

....ponder your ass on that...as you bob your head to this jam....

*2 fingers with love straight to you*

***out***

i'm addicted to....Ryan Leslie

I came across this video last night and I was going to post it, but I got caught up...

Anyway-

Ryan Leslie featuring Cassie and Fabolous **Addiction**

Why he chose Cassie to sing the fucking hook is beyond me, but it's great I didn't have to see her try to dance in the video....uber great. Ryan ain't fine, but his music making skills have me wanting him *sorry I'm being a lil nasty*. This song's music alone is...mmm...*uber sexxxy*

Ling's comments: "I love the fact that most of the girls in the video are dark skinned and beautiful...it's refreshing"

I can't agree more...and it's so nice to not see a half naked girl shaking her ass or riding some ni**a's dick....but that's neither here nor there...

On a lighter note: ummm...when is Fabolous gonna get that tuuffus fixed? I couldn't really hear what he was saying because all I was looking at was the tuuf *kinda like the blabbering stain in the Tide To-Go commercial*

** just a thought... **

***hugs & kisses***

i am just a blinking, neon roadside attraction...

...or, at least, that's how I feel today...

anger.singeing the hair on my body.Incubus lyrics permeate my thoughts today....so maybe listening to old school Incubus [back when Brandon was "going through things"] wasn't the best choice but, shit, I needed to hear someone who knew exactly how I was feeling...and I wasn't in the mood to pick up my own guitar and learn another song just to sing and cry softly to myself...especially when Brandon already does it on my Touch.

Brandon screams.

I scream.

Brandon says "fuck you".

I say "fuck you".

**2 middle fingers attached**

Incubus made me feel a hell of alot better today. As the rain fell and flooded my balcony, I started to think about everything that had happened to this point. I felt as if I was >>insert blog title here<<. I felt like I have started to change so much, like in the past month or 2 expecially. But I've changed in order to grow...in order to receive more out of life...in order to see change in others...be happier....HA! ...what a fucking waste...

I AM SO FUCKING SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF GIVING OF MYSELF AND CHANGING TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON JUST TO BE TORN DOWN LATER

*~*and LO, he did shat on my whole life last night...and for that somone will weep...*~*

confusion.tearing me apart.sang Incubus **I Miss You** all the way to the spot.anticipation.been a while.

wait a min...

what the FUCK???

is he???

he IS???

no this fucking nigga didn't....

***PLAYED stamped all over my face**

::but then::

sweet.smiley.good to see you.are you doing okay.

let me...

oh really...

well why don't you...

okay baby...

Incubus **Just a Phase** lyrics are scanning across my brain's jumbotron now...."I am bottled, fizzy water and you are shaking me up..." over and over and over. Cause I always think everything is okay..but then you do [or don't do] something and it "shakes me up". I don't like confusion...and I DON'T LIKE LIARS!!! ...that is if you are lying...and today...baby...boo...nigga...I think you are....

>>also confused on some other shit that can't be confirmed til the middle of next week....

Incubus allowed me to face my feelings head on....

Ling Ling *and a lil ~laugh, laugh, funny, funny~ from the idiot box* helped to bring me back from the edge...I love her forever and when all fades away in this world *or when the world ends in 2012*, she will still be standing there with me *mainly because we decided to pop some X and ride out the end of the world, but also because she's my bestest* and we will be making each other laugh so we won't have to feel the hurt anymore...

**I am one big walking chemical reaction**

....and not one of the good ones...

...someone needs to come and put out theses neon lights...

rain, rain, go away...

Okay, so first of all, let me start by saying that TS Hanna is a fucking BITCH that is ruining my saturday!!! I woke up this morning and I had to check the clock to make sure I hadn't slept until the next night...no, it was just Hanna...casting dark and dank across my bedroom...shitty bitch...

Anyway [cause I'm trying to see the day as a glass half full], today will be a day of reflection, cleansing, and renewal....at least, that's what I'm hoping for.